(Warning for readers, this is one of those messy posts : )
The beauty of nearness.
The begining of this season was rocky. The prior season that I was in was filled with fun, friends , adventures and memories that I will carry with me forever. But then that season came to a surprisingly quick close.
I wanted to move on to the next big adventure. I was ready to go, I was ready to travel, get beyond my city home and take on the next quest.
But God said “Not yet.”
So I waited. However, it was not with the attitude that I should have had. I grumbled. I filled up my schedule with busyness. Cried. Grumbled some more. Then realized that my bad attidue wasn’t getting me anywhere.
And thus began the process of becoming.
I am again learning how to be independently dependent upon Christ. As time passes and life goes on I realize how it is only I that can seek Christ for me. In order to have relationship with him I have to intentionally make time for him. No one can read or memorize scriptures for me, that’s my job. Funny right?
But he has begun something new…
God has begun to restructure how I am processing life and has revealed several blind spots. The restructering includes finding joy in where he has me and learning to seek him out in the quiet moments and enjoy the simplicity of this season. To treasure my quiet times and to rest in the truth of his nearness. The blindspots: I have become painfully aware of my selfishness in this last several months so in response to this, he has begun to humble me and teach me the importance and value of seeking to serve others above self. While this is not the most comfortable of things, it too is a process.
In all of this I am finding real peace in this season. I’m no longer chomping at the bit to get on and to be done with this year but in many ways, I don’t want it end. I am finding freedom in knowing that this is only the begining of what is to come. My Savior is faithful and I am confident that the fullness of what he is doing right now goes far beyond my line of vision. I have joy knowing that this time is shaping me and readying my heart for whatever he calls me to in the future.
There is a freshness and a newness to this season that I can hardly put into words and I know that he is in it, so I’m drawing nearer as he draws near to me.
In the stillness, your presence is magnified.
Silence cuts through the chaos as you whisper your truth
Melodies sung over me, sweet lullabies, an expression of your affections for me.
In the stillness your presence is magnified.
Like stars spread throughout the night sky, your love glistens despite the darkness.
Quiet my soul so that I may be able to hear the voice of my father.
For every sunrise, every wildflower, every wave in the crashing sea,
is an expression of his pleasure, a love song written just for me.